You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2006.
10 years after having first read it for English 3 Honors, I am reading J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye again. That was everyone’s favorite book in high school. People would say they could relate to it, although I think it was more that they found it easy to read because of it’s lax style of prose along with its use of swearing. I couldn’t really relate to it back then. Thematically I suppose I did, but I could never really relate to Holden Caulfield’s actions and the way he lived his life. I always considered White’s The Once and Future King to be my favorite high school reading, along with Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Catcher in the Rye never really stood out for me.
10 years later, all that has changed. Right from the get go I am able to see through the eyes of Holden Caulfield. The book starts off with the protagonist gearing up to go home after flunking out of his prep school and expressing his extreme distaste with phony people. Yeah…………..
I know it’s been 12 days since the last Da Vincian update. The Power Questions exercise took longer than I had expected, and I also became lazy due to playing The Godfather for 20+ hours. But I have completed the exercise and I now present it here. This one took a sample of questions from other people’s Top 10 lists and asks you to answer each one in “stream of consciousness” style, what you know from English class as “free writing.” I thought it was a good sampling of questions designed to get a person to start really thinking about who they are and what they can do to improve the quality of their lives. I may do a similar thing with my own Top 10 questions. Maybe that’s the idea. BTW, I wrote these responses in the small space that the workbook allows. If I had typed them or written in an unstructured notebook, they most likely would have been longer. Perhaps a limit is good though, in either time or space, so you’re forced to really think and get to the main ideas quickly, rather than rambling on ten different tangents before coming to the question at hand. I didn’t answer them in true freewrite style, so I’m going to make for it by answering my own Top 10 questions that way.
Power Questions:
The following questions are drawn from different people’s “top-ten lists.” (Perhaps you generated some similar questions in the previous exercises.) These questions are powerful catalysts to personal growth and fulfillment. Read each and then write your answer below in stream-of-consciousness style. Then review your answers and see if they inspire an action or change you wish to make in your life. If inspiration strikes, make the change!
1. When am I most naturally myself? What people, places, and activities allow me to feel most fully myself, to be truly happy? What can I do to create a more supportive, enjoyable environment on a daily basis?
I’m most naturally myself when I’m around my close family and friends as well as when I’m doing things I enjoy and/or am somewhat knowledgeable about. So I guess I would say a certain level of comfort is required for me to be myself. I would need to constantly be around people I enjoy being around as well as doing things I enjoy doing on a daily basis to be myself. – 4/8/06
2. What is one thing I could stop doing, or start doing, or do differently, starting today that would most improve the quality of my life? What’s stopping me and how can I overcome that resistance?
One thing I could stop doing today would be to stop wasting time on the Internet. I sit and waste hours doing nothing when I could be doing something productive. There’s nothing realy stopping me from doing it, just my own weakness. The hours I spend on the internet, I could spend writing and creating skits and playing video game and reading, all things that I would enjoy doing and simultaneously make me a more expressively creative person. – 4/8/06
3. What is my greatest talent? Do I use my greatest talent enough? How can I develop this talent further?
My greatest talent is my writing and I don’t use it nearly enough. Sure I keep a blog but I don’t come up with stories and essays and other articles like I want to because I waste all my time doing useless things that I don’t need to do. I need to stop so I can write, because that’s the only way to develop it further. – 4/8/06
4. How can I get paid for doing what I love? What professions require the skills that I love? What do I need to do pursue those professions?
I love writing and making movies. The best way to get paid for that is to become a screenwriter, or I could a journalist. That would be writing. I could dedicate myself to a novel and a short film of my own and see where that takes me. Besides technical and professional writing I don’t know of other traditional writing fields. – 4/11/06
5. Who are my most inspiring role models? Do I apply the lessons of my most inspiring role models every day? What could I do to bring more of their inspiration to my life on a daily basis?
My most inspiring role models are Gandhi, Neil Gaiman, Quentin Tarantino and Tim Burton. I would need to learn more about their lives in order to learn the lessons of their lives. The best way to do that is to read about them and truly familiarize myself with their work. – 4/11/06
6. How can I best be of service to others? What role does service play in my life today? How can I help those less fortunate than me?
I can best be of service to others by making use of my talents and using them to affect change in whatever ways I can. As a writer the way to do that would be do inform others of things in the world that require changes, the way a reporter would. I can also be of service to my family by providing financial assistance to them when I am able to. The best way to change the world is start at your center and work outward, like a ripple effect. – 4/14/06
7. What is my heart’s deepest desire? Am I pursuing it every day? How can I orient my life towards my deepest passion? What’s stopping me?
My heart’s deepest desire is to transcend the bonds of everyday society. I suppose that’s why I have such strange and varied interests. I would take up any avenue that would allow me to do this. The most realistic one would be to make a lot of money, which is why I want to become a successful filmmaker and writer. Money = freedom. – 4/14/06
8. What are the greatest obstacles to the fulfillment of my dreams and goals? Which of these obstacles are external and which are self imposed? How can I overcome them?
The biggest obstacle right now is school. I’m studying biology half-heartedly and that doesn’t quite align well with my future plans of movie making and writing. I suppose this is self imposed and external because it’s something my family wants me to do and I want it for myself as well. I could always stop going as I’m not in school right now. So I’m kind of free to pursue my own interests. – 4/14/06
9. What are the blessings of my life? Do I recount them everyday?
The blessings of my life are are my family and friends and not having to worry about things like basic survival. I’m very fortunate for that. I have a great support network and I’m free to turn my attention to other things. (- 4/14/06) I show appreciation to some more than others and I should really start balancing the appreciation out more so I can reap the full benefits of those blessings. – 4/19/06
10. What legacy would I like to leave? Have I shared it with my family and friends so they can help me achieve it? Am I on track to leave it? What do I need to differently to leave the legacy I choose?
I’ve never even given thought to a question like this. Legacy. I’m sure not many people ever give thought to a question like that. What legacy would I like to leave? I want to leave a mark on the entire idea of creativity. I want to do something that will be talked about long after I’m gone, even if it’s just among the people I know, that leaves people saying “Now that was something that we won’t see for a long time,” like The Sandman, like Watchmen, like LOTR, like Pulp Fiction, like Lestat, etc. – 4/19/06
Next: Responses to my own Power Questions.
You know what really grinds my gears? People who “lie to kick it.” For those of you unfamiliar with this phrase, it refers to people who tell lies in order to impress other people because they are not secure with who they are and are ashamed of the truth. I remember this guy in my Chem 1A class back in Fall of 2001. He was a Punjabi guy named Pushpinder, which is one of the funniest names I’ve ever heard in my life. My friend Javed and I used to joke about that name when we would make fun of Punjabi people in high school. I never knew it was actually a real name. But I digress. Anyway, this was the first class in a series of classes that would eventually lead to further study in a variety of subjects, biological sciences being the case for a few of us. Now this guy, Push for short (as if that makes it sound better), was obsessed with wanting to become a doctor. Every chance he got, he made it a point to announce to the world that he was going to be a doctor. Never mind that he didn’t actually have special aptitude for the Chemistry class that we were taking, and that it was only the first course on a path that would lead to a Biology sequence and an Organic Chemistry sequence. One day in class, our teacher asked the class if anyone was studying for professional school exams, and this guy raises his hand saying that he was studying for the MCAT. What a moron. He’s only in the first class that’s required for medical school and he’s talking about studying for the MCAT. My ass he was studying for the MCAT. It was just so irritating. He would constantly belittle other people because of his “I’m going to be a doctor” bullshit. One day he and one of my friends were working as partners in the lab section and my friend made a mistake and this guy goes off at him talking about “You can’t make mistakes like that. I’m going to be a doctor and mistakes like that aren’t going to cut it.” Man, I wanted to throw his ass off the balcony. He tried to pull some shit like that with me one time in the Writing tutorial center and I went off at him in front of everyone. That was the last time he ever tried that with me.
The thing that really made me want to kill him was something he did at the end of that semester. He created e-mail accounts where he posed as two of my friends and me and he e-mailed our Chemistry and Calculus instructors so that he could find out what grades we had received in the class. What really pissed me off about it was this. For our chemistry class, in the e-mail he sent while posing as my friend who he berated over the little mistake, he said this: “If I’m borderline C/D, I prefer to take the D. I know this sounds weird, but that’s the way it is.” That was how it came to my attention, because our chemistry teacher thought something was up and asked to see me to inquire about it. Upon further investigation I discovered that he was behind it. Man, I tell you, after I found out, if I hadn’t come back to a classroom full of people, I would have killed him with my bare hands.
Last I heard he had switched majors to psychology and was working at Pizza Hut. I also heard a rumor that he was in medical school, which I’m sure is a lie that he perpetuated. Given the timeframe in which I heard this rumor there was no way it could have been true, as he would not have finished his bachelor’s degree by then. People like that eventually get what’s coming to them. I normally don’t wish ill will upon anyone, but he’s one of the exceptions to that, as he’s a wormy cocksucker. I hope he breaks his neck while trying to suck his own dick.
I made this list two years ago as well, but as I was looking over it, these same questions are the ones that are currently weigh on my mind. Like I said, very little about me has changed over the past two years. Rather than embracing LA, I refused to let go of everything in the Bay Area and as a result I’m still somewhat stuck being who I was in 2004. It’s now 2006 and I’m slowly moving forward but I need to speed things along.
100 Questions
In the space below and on the next page, make a list of 100 questions that are important to you. Your list can include any kind of question as long as it’s something you deem significant: anything from “How an I raise my energy level?” or “How can I make more time for the people I love?” to “How can I make a difference in this world?” and “How can I deepen my faith?” Do the entire list in one sitting. Write quickly, don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or repeating the same question in different words.
1) How can I become more disciplined?
2) How can I stay focused on the things I need to do?
3) How can I become more confident around women?
4) How can I become more aggressive around women?
5) Why can’t I stick to the tasks I set out to accomplish?
6) Why am I such a pushover?
7) How can I be less of a people pleaser?
Why am I so lazy?
9) How can I be less lazy?
10) How can become more goal oriented?
11) How can I accomplish the goals I set?
12) How can I develop better study habits?
13) How can I become more social?
14) Why does my family life suck ass?
15) How can I improve my family’s relations with each other?
16) Why am I so judgmental?
17) How can I stop being so judgmental?
18) How will I choose a satisfactory career path?
19) Will I succeed in that career path?
20) Will I be able to take care of my family after graduating?
21) Will I ever get married?
22) Do I actually want to get married?
23) Will anyone want to be with me based on my views on marriage?
24) How can I lead a happy life?
25) How can I help preserve the environment?
26) Will humans destroy the planet?
27) Will I live to see world peace?
28) How can I be nicer to my mom?
29) Will I be a helpful guide to my sister for long enough?
30) Will I ever accept my not so similar friends for who they are?
31) Will I want to be friends with them afterwards?
32) Will I ever accept God into my life?
33) How can I break my ego?
34) Will I ever become a writer?
35) How can I pursue writing?
36) Does the perfect relationship exist?
37) How can I find it?
38) How will I know when I find it?
39) How can I succeed at UCLA?
40) How can I find my purpose in life?
41) Does a specific purpose exist for us?
42) Or do we just do what we do?
43) How can I mesh better with society despite my differences?
44) Why do I need to mesh?
45) Will I ever be happy?
46) Will my family ever be happy?
47) How can I make myself happy?
48) How can I make my family happy?
49) Will I live to see contact with aliens?
50) Will I ever accomplish the things I want to do?
51) How can I develop the focus to do so?
52) Why do I give up so easily?
53) Will I learn the truth about the supernatural?
54) Does God really exist?
55) Does he care about us?
56) Why do good things happen to bad people?
57) Why do bad things happen to good people?
58) Will I ever have a good romantic relationship?
59) How can I unlock my potential?
60) What are my strengths?
61) How will I know my purpose?
62) How do I keep going?
63) How can I see the world?
64) Will I be able to send my mom to India?
65) Will I be able to send my dad to the World Cup?
66) How can I unite my family?
67) How can I best help my sister?
68) How can I best help my friends?
69) How can I learn to create music?
70) How can I produce a movie?
71) How can I be more accepting of things?
72) How can I control my anger?
73) How can I talk less and do more?
74) How can I sharpen my mind?
75) How can I become who I want to be?
76) Who do I want to be?
77) Who am I?
78) Who was I?
79) Where am I going?
80) Where am I?
81) Where have I been?
82) Do I like me?
83) What do I like about me?
84) What do I hate about me?
85) How can I change those things?
86) Can I live with those things?
87) How do they affect others?
88) What do my friends think of me?
89) How can I be a better friend?
90) Who do I consider true friends?
91) Why them?
92) How did I get to this point?
93) What is this point?
94) How do I move forward?
95) How I let go of the past?
96) What am I holding on to?
97) What am I doing?
98) What have I done?
99) What will I do?
100) What do these questions say about me?
Review for Themes
When you have finished, read through your list and highlight the themes that emerge. Did you discover anything you did not expect? Consider the emerging themes without judging them. Are most of your questions about relationships? Business? Fun? Money? The meaning of life?
- Themes that stand out: Relationships w/family, friends, women; career success; personal success; personal reflection and knowledge.
- No big surprises here. These are the things that weigh heavily on my mind most of the time. Most of my questions seem to be about myself and my relationships with people (family, friends, other people). First and foremost I’m concerned with myself and doing all that I can to become who I want to and second of all I care about how I relate to those around me. Since I can’t help anyone else until I myself am in a position to help myself, my Top Ten is mostly made up of questions that focus on improving myself. One thing that surprised me now that didn’t really notice then was that only two questions in the entire list had anything to do with school and academics. I guess I had already lost interest in school back then right before I went off to UCLA. Not a good way to start something of that magnitude with that frame of mind. I realize that now. Hindsight is always 20/20. I just need to figure out what to do about it now. I should have known though. Given the burnout I felt throughout my last semester at Chabot, that was always a danger looming like a shadow over everything I had built. But things have developed that will insure security. I’ve just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever. Hah, there’s my Star Wars reference for the night.
- Edit 4/8/2006: Another thing I noticed is that a lot of the questions, 46 to be exact, are “How” questions. I thought that a lot of them would have been “Why” questions. So I seem to be concerned with action rather than reason. This seems promising.
Top Ten Questions
Now choose the ten questions that seem most significant and write them in the space below. Then rank them in importance from 1-10. (Of course you can add new questions or change the order at any time.)
1. How can I talk less and do more?
2. How do I move forward?
3. How can I accomplish the goals I set?
4. Why can’t I stick to the tasks I set out to accomplish?
5. How can become more disciplined?
6. How can I find my purpose in life?
7. How can I develop the focus to accomplish the things I want to do?
8. How can I become who I want to be?
9. How can I unite my family?
10. How can I lead a happy life?
Tomorrow: Power Questions
OK, I know I said I would post this last night, but I went out and didn’t come home until 4AM. Then when I came home I didn’t have the mental energy to make a blog entry. I actually did this exercise two years ago when I first got the book. It is dated 7/1/04, but very little has changed since then. That’s what that short one line entry below was referring to. I was going through this book a couple weeks ago and I realized that regardless of all the outward changes in my life, ( i.e., moving to LA, being forced to take a break from school, etc) nothing has changed internally. That’s when I decided that I wanted to complete this book and see if it really can bring about positive changes in my life. Anyway, on to the exercise. It is a checklist of qualities that represent curiosity. The ones I think I cultivate in my life have an “x”.
Self Assessment: Curiosità
[x] I take adequate time for contemplation and reflection.
[x] I am always learning something new.
[x] When I am faced with an important decision, I actively seek out different perspectives.
[x] I am a voracious reader.
[ ] I learn from little children.
[x] I am skilled at identifying and solving problems.
[x] My friends would describe me as open-minded and curious.
[x] When I hear or read a new word or phrase I look it up and make a note of it.
[x] I know a lot about other cultures and am always learning more.
[x] I know or am learning a language other than my native one.
[x] I solicit feedback from my friends, relations and colleagues.
[x] I love learning.
Rate yourself on Curiosità from 1-10: 9
Who do you know who best embodies the principle of Curiosità? Write their name or names here: Bhavik, Saro, Ruby, Karimi, Jovian, Kamini Bhaini, Anandika (Keep in mind that these are people who I keep in touch with on a fairly regular basis so I know what they do and don’t do. I’m probably forgetting some people, but oh well. Feel free to yell at me if you feel you’ve been left out.)
As you can see, I consider myself to be quite a curious person, always seeking to learn new things. I would go into more detail explaining each point of this checklist, but I suppose that’s the point of the other exercises, to explore these ideas further.
Tomorrow: 100 Questions.
